Adoption is a beautiful way to build a family but it’s also layered, emotional, and rooted in love. And for decades, the most common approach to adoption was to keep everything closed: sealed records, no contact, no updates. It was done with good intentions to protect the child and protect the families, but it often left adopted children with more questions than answers.
Today, we know better. We know that openness in adoption isn’t just possible, it’s powerful, especially for the child.
What Is Open Adoption?
Open adoption means that there is some level of ongoing connection between the adoptive family and the child’s birth family. This could look like emails, photo updates, phone calls, video chats, or even in person visits. It’s not a one size fits all model. Instead, it’s a flexible framework that’s built on mutual respect and the best interest of the child.
It doesn’t mean co parenting. It doesn’t mean confusing family roles. And it definitely doesn’t mean less love for the adoptive parents.
It means honoring the child’s whole story.
Why Kids Deserve Openness
Adopted children carry stories that began before they ever entered their adoptive homes. They carry a name, a history, a culture, a genetic link, and often a sense of “in between.” When those parts of their identity are hidden or inaccessible, it can create confusion, grief, and even shame.
Open adoption gives children access to their truth.
They can ask questions when they’re ready. They can hear about the circumstances of their placement from the people who lived it. They can see where their dimples came from, what their birth parents’ voices sound like, or how they laugh. And maybe most importantly, they can be reassured that they weren’t unwanted they were loved, and the decision was made with care.
But Doesn’t That Confuse Them?
This is one of the most common concerns we hear from adoptive parents. And it’s understandable. There’s a natural instinct to protect our kids and sometimes, we assume protection means silence.
But in reality, silence can feel like secrecy. And secrecy can feel like shame.
When open adoption is done thoughtfully, it actually provides clarity, not confusion. Children are not comparing families; they’re learning where they come from and how deeply they’re loved by more than one group of people.
The Research Says What Adoptees Have Been Saying for Years
Studies over the past two decades have shown what many adoptees have voiced all along: openness in adoption leads to better outcomes. Children in open adoptions often have higher self esteem, fewer feelings of abandonment, and stronger identity development.
They aren’t left wondering. They aren’t left fantasizing. They aren’t left rewriting a story that someone could’ve told them in the first place.
Instead, they grow up with more truth, more connection, and more emotional tools to process their journey.
It’s Not Always Easy, But It’s Worth It
Let’s be honest: open adoption requires effort. It asks adoptive parents to stay humble, to manage boundaries with compassion, and to remain child centered in every decision. It may mean navigating awkward moments or tough questions.
But being a parent isn’t about choosing the easy road. It’s about choosing what’s right for your child even when it stretches you.
And open adoption, when rooted in respect and built on trust, is one of the most child honoring choices we can make.
Final Thoughts
Adoption doesn’t erase a child’s past; it adds to their story. Open adoption allows that story to be told in full. It gives children the chance to know where they came from, to ask questions as they grow, and to love without limits.
In a world where adopted children are too often asked to carry the weight of secrecy, open adoption offers something better: truth, relationship, and healing.
And that’s a gift every child deserves.
